Forever and a Day
by SpoonyLupin
Summary: AU. After losing Tonks in the final battle, Remus is left to raise Teddy on his own. Even after ten years, Remus still struggles with the thought that he isn't providing Teddy with everything that he needs. Can anything change his mind?


**Forever and a Day**

The house was quiet.

Remus stared up at the darkened ceiling of his bedroom, listening to the sound of silence. He had been sleeping peacefully just a few moments before, and he wasn't sure what had woken him. His first thought was that Teddy was up, not able to sleep or maybe just visiting the loo, but no. The minutes stretched and the rest of the house was still.

Turning over onto his side, Remus saw that it had started to snow. Large flakes were streaking down past the window, highlighted by the half full moon.

Sighing, Remus found a more comfortable position and tried to settle back into sleep. He closed his eyes, but just then, the floorboards outside his door creaked the tiniest bit.

Remus's eyes opened and darted to the door, following the sliver of light sneaking underneath it. He waited, positive now that Teddy was up.

After several more seconds, the door finally squeaked open, flooding the room with a golden pillar of light.

"Dad?"

"Teddy."

"Can…can I come in?" Teddy asked uncertainly.

Remus smiled; Teddy always asked the question with the same doubt ebbing at his voice. "Of course," Remus said. He sat up and scooted over, patting the spot next to him.

Even in the darkness, Remus could see the ten-year-old smiling as he quickly crossed the room and climbed up onto Remus's bed.

"Can't sleep?" Remus asked as Teddy burrowed under the covers and looked up at him.

"I had a dream about Mum…again."

Remus turned toward his son and propped himself up on his pillows. "What about?"

Teddy didn't reply at first, but then he shrugged, his eyes not meeting Remus's.

"Sometimes it helps if we talk about it," Remus said quietly, hopefully, but he knew Teddy wouldn't say anything. Teddy had a hard time talking about his nightmares.

"I just miss her," Teddy finally said.

"I know," Remus whispered, reaching out a hand to brush Teddy's turquoise hair off his forehead. In the darkened bedroom, it almost looked midnight blue. "I miss her, too."

"Do you still love her?"

"Teddy…" Remus gasped. "I will _always_ love your mother. I see her every time I look at you - in your eyes, and your nose, and your hair." Remus smiled a bit. "How could I not love her when I love you so much?"

"But I have your eyes," Teddy said. "Harry said so."

"You have blue eyes like I do," Remus agreed, "but they're still your mother's - the way they sparkle…especially when you're getting into trouble."

Teddy smiled, which made his eyes sparkle once more.

After a moment of silence, Remus asked, "Why would you ask that?"

Teddy shrugged. "Dunno."

"You're know you're allowed to ask me anything," Remus reassured him, "but I want you to know that there is nothing that will ever make me stop loving your mother, okay? I'll love her forever and a day."

"But…" Teddy began, but then he trailed off, sighing.

"What, Teddy?"

Teddy swallowed, glancing around the room for a few seconds before answering. "She's been gone for a long time. Doesn't your love start to go away, too?"

"No," Remus answered truthfully. "Because I love her every bit now as I did when she was here. Love doesn't disappear just because the person isn't here anymore. That's how strong it is."

Frowning deeply, Teddy stared at the ceiling, not looking very convinced.

"If you want proof," Remus went on, "look at how much you love her."

"Tons."

"I know," Remus said around a smile. "But do you love her any less now than you did last year? Or the year before?"

Teddy considered this. "I guess not."

"And you've never even met her," Remus said. "See how amazing and strong love can be?"

"Will I still love her this much when I'm grown up?"

"I'm sure you will."

"Do you still love your parents as much as you did when you were my age?"

"Always."

Teddy didn't say anything else, seemingly satisfied with the answers he had received. He lay quietly for a while, staring up the ceiling, until his eyes started to droop. When they closed completely, Remus tucked the covers in tightly around Teddy and pressed a soft kiss to his son's forehead.

* * *

><p>The next day was Saturday, and they always had pancakes on Saturday mornings; Remus didn't even have to ask anymore. They were Teddy's favorite breakfast food and he always insisted on having them on his favorite day of the week. Remus didn't have to work on Saturdays, and Teddy immensely enjoyed spending the extra time with his father.<p>

There was absolutely no mention of what had happened the night before. There never was. Teddy never brought it up, and Remus didn't want to possibly upset him by talking about it.

Teddy sat at the kitchen table, swinging his feet happily as he ate his pancakes. He seemed extremely happy that morning given the fact that the ground outside was completely covered in a white blanket of snow.

"Dad," Teddy said, making sure to swallow before he spoke, "can we build a _snowman_?"

Remus looked up from that morning's edition of the _Daily Prophet_, smiling. "I don't think there's quite enough snow for that," he said regretfully.

"Oh," Teddy sighed, his face falling. "Can you make more snow?"

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Make?"

"Yeah, with magic!"

"We'll see about that," Remus chuckled.

"Can I go _sled riding_?"

"If you want."

"Do you think Harry will want to go?"

"I'm sure he will," Remus said. "Why don't you ask him when he comes?"

"Do you want to go?"

Remus smirked. "Do I ever go sled riding?"

"No," Teddy snickered, "but Gran said it's always nice to be asked."

"It is," Remus agreed, and they fell into silence again.

When Teddy swallowed his last mouthful of pancakes, a flash of green erupted from the fireplace. Teddy didn't even have to check to see who it was.

"HARRY!" he exclaimed, leaping up from his chair and darting across the room. He threw his arms around Harry, almost toppling his godfather over in the process.

Harry always visited them on Saturday mornings after breakfast and if nothing was going on at home, he usually stayed until lunch.

"Hey," Harry said, groaning as he lifted Teddy into his arms. "You're getting too old for this, Kid."

"Harry," Teddy said, oblivious to Harry's discomfort, "Dad said you might come _sled riding_ with me!"

Harry didn't say anything at first, but his eyes darted across the room to Remus. "Did he now?" Harry asked, not taking his eyes off of Remus. Remus appeared amused.

"Yep!" Teddy said matter-of-factly. "Can we go now?"

"Give me a chance to at least say hello to your father, would you?" Harry asked, setting Teddy down. He went to the counter and picked up the teapot, Teddy trailing along behind him.

"That's not Dad," Teddy informed him, pointing to the teapot.

Harry snorted. "Really? I hadn't noticed."

"Well, when can we go, Harry?" Teddy pleaded.

"You can't exactly go sled riding in your pajamas, you know," Remus said, getting up from the table and approaching the counter as well.

"You don't even have any shoes on!" Harry cried, inspecting his godson's attire. "What are you trying to do, get frostbite?"

"_No_," Teddy said. "I guess I forgot." He snickered loudly.

"It's all fun and games until someone loses a toe," Harry sighed.

"Or a buttock," Remus interjected.

Teddy stared at his father. "I really don't think I'd lose one of _those_, Dad."

"You never know," Harry said. "According to Mad-Eye…"

"According to Mad-Eye," Teddy said knowledgeably, "the entire _world_ was out to get him." He nodded seriously.

Harry shared an amused look with Remus; Teddy sure knew a lot about Mad-Eye for someone who had never even met the man.

"Can we go now, Harry?" Teddy asked excitedly.

"You," Remus reminded, "need to get dressed first."

"_Then_ can we go?" Teddy repeated.

"Yes, after I finish my tea," Harry said, stirring some sugar into his teacup.

"'Kay!" Teddy said, immediately darting out of the room and thundering up the stairs to his room.

Harry smiled. "He's acting like he's never seen snow before in his life."

Remus considered this, refilling his own cup with steaming amber liquid. "I think it might have something to do with the fact that he hasn't been sleeping well lately," he said quietly.

Frowning, Harry asked, "Why? What's wrong?"

Remus shook his head. "I'm not sure. He keeps coming into my room in the middle of the night. He said he's been having dreams about Dora, but he won't tell me what they're about."

"When did this start?"

"A couple weeks ago," Remus sighed. "Around the beginning of December."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wasn't really concerned at first," Remus explained. "He does have nightmares about her sometimes - I think that much is to be expected - but this is the first time it's been happening night after night like this. And he's been asking me all these questions about her."

"He always asks you questions about her."

"Not like this," Remus said. "Questions like if I'll ever forget Dora or if I still love her."

Harry frowned again, his eyes trailing across the room as he considered this. "Do you want me to try and talk to him about it?"

"I don't know," Remus responded. "I don't know how he'd even react to me even telling you about this, you know?"

After a moment of silence, Harry said, "Maybe it's just the holidays. I know I think about my parents a lot more now than at other times of the year. Don't you?"

"Yes," Remus answered, "but…I don't know. I think it's more than that. I mean, where are these questions coming from?" He sighed in frustration and ran a hand through his hair. "I wish he would tell me what the nightmares are about and what's bothering him, because I know something is."

"What are you going to do?"

Remus picked up his teacup from the counter and turned back to the table. After he sat down, he stared down into his cup and said, "I don't know. Ask Andromeda, I guess. I don't want to worry her, but if this keeps happening…sometimes she seems to understand Teddy so much better than I do."

"I think that's a woman thing," Harry said, picking up his own cup of tea and joining Remus at the table. "You know - mother's and grandmother's instincts. I get that feeling with Ginny, too."

"No," Remus disagreed, "I mean…" He paused, biting at his lower lip and refusing to meet Harry's eyes. When he continued, his voice was barely above a whisper. "Sometimes I wonder if I should have taken her up on her offer to raise Teddy."

Harry said harshly, "I know you don't mean that!"

"Harry, don't get me wrong," Remus said. "You know I love Teddy and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world, but…sometimes, I think maybe he would be happier with her."

Harry stared at him as if the werewolf had a House-Elf tap dancing on his head. "Remus," Harry asked, "were you honestly in this room five minutes ago? Because let me tell you, the kid that I just saw in here was happy. He may not be sleeping well and he may be having nightmares, but I honestly wouldn't have known unless you told me. Despite any problems he may be having, he's _happy_. There's no other word for it."

"He just misses Dora so much," Remus said. "If he was living with Andromeda, maybe he'd feel closer to Dora then."

"And further away from you," Harry reminded. "You're his parent too, not just Dora. I have no doubt that Andromeda would have raised Teddy wonderfully, but…she's not you, Remus. Sometimes what a boy really needs _is_ his father. I think you know that, especially when that father is completely capable of fulfilling that role."

"Teddy needs his mother, too," Remus disagreed. "That's been obvious these last few weeks…"

"Remus," Harry interrupted, "what I think is obvious is that you underestimate yourself. You are a wonderful father to Teddy and he adores you. I wish he could have both you and Dora, but…at least he does have you. I mean, there were times when I wished I could have just one of my parents alive, and at least Teddy does."

Remus looked down into the remains of his tea, not able to reply at first. "Sometimes I think you have more faith in me than I do, Harry," he whispered.

"Are you are ready yet, Harry?!" Teddy demanded, thundering back down the steps. Remus thought he could hear Teddy rummaging through the front hall closet then, probably in search of his boots.

Harry let out a slightly exasperated breath of air. He got to his feet, but stopped next to Remus, dropping a hand down onto his shoulder. "Don't sell yourself short, Remus," he said, "because to Teddy, you are everything."

Without another word, Harry joined Teddy in the front hall, leaving Remus alone with his thoughts.

* * *

><p>That evening, Remus tucked Teddy in as usual, neither of them mentioning what was really on their minds. Teddy, however, seemed content to talk about his adventures that morning with Harry until he began to doze off against his pillows.<p>

Remus made his way downstairs into the sitting room, fully intending to occupy himself with his newest book until it was time for bed. He ended up staring at the same sentence for five minutes straight, trying to make sense out of it, before he realized that his mind was somewhere else entirely.

Harry's words kept repeating in his head, and he knew Harry would never lie about those things, but something inside Remus kept nagging at him anyway. It was that insecure part of himself that always told him he wasn't good enough.

Those insecurities always managed to rear their ugly head - when he was at Hogwarts trying to make friends, when he was first getting involved with Dora, and now with Teddy. Remus wondered if there was any such thing as an uncomplicated relationship.

Remus leaned his head against the back of the couch, closing his eyes and focusing on the soft crackle of flames in the fireplace. He didn't realize until then how tired he really was. Almost as soon as his head touched the soft fabric of the couch, his sudden drowsiness grew to consume him.

_Teddy was having a nightmare again. He thrashed against his blankets, turning from side to side and sobbing quietly._

"_Teddy," Remus softly, reaching out for one of his son's tightly clenched fists, "you're having a nightmare." Teddy still didn't wake, so Remus said, more loudly this time, "Teddy, wake up."_

_Teddy's only response was to sob again, pulling his hand away from Remus and curling into a ball._

"_Teddy!" Remus tried again, more desperately. He reached out, placing his hands on Teddy's shoulders and shaking him._

_Teddy still clung to sleep, his cries growing in intensity._

"_Please wake up," Remus pleaded. "It's just a nightmare."_

_But no matter how hard Remus shook him, and no matter how loudly Remus called his son's name, Teddy still didn't wake._

"_Teddy," Remus croaked, but his voice died in his throat. Panic had settled into Remus's stomach. He knew something was wrong. He pushed himself up from Teddy's bed on wobbly legs, wondering what to do, but just then, the door to Teddy's room swung open._

_Before Remus had time to wonder who the hell else could be in his house, Andromeda swept into the room. Confusion erupted in Remus's mind, but Andromeda didn't seem to think it the least bit strange that she was there._

_She quickly crossed the room, dropping down onto the edge of Teddy's bed. Almost as soon as Andromeda reached out for his cheek, Teddy awoke, looking up at his grandmother with tear-filled eyes._

"_Andromeda…" Remus began, but she talked over him._

"_It's okay," Andromeda whispered, smiling. She ran her hand over Teddy's face, pushing his messy hair out of his eyes. "It was just a nightmare."_

_Teddy sniffled, rubbing harshly at his eyes. He took a few deep breaths and swallowed audibly. When he looked at his grandmother again, he asked, "Why'd they both have to go?"_

_Andromeda frowned, a deep look of sadness consuming her face. "I don't know," she sighed. "But you've got me." She tried to smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes._

"_I miss Mum and Dad," Teddy said around another sob._

"_I know," Andromeda said, continuing to run her hand through Teddy's turquoise hair._

"_Teddy…" Remus tried, "I'm right here." But neither Andromeda nor Teddy seemed to hear him._

"_Why'd they both have to leave me?" Teddy suddenly demanded, his voice rising. "It's not fair!"_

_Andromeda almost looked like she was about to cry as well, but bit her lower lip to try and hold it in. "I know it isn't," she said, wrapping her arms around her grandson._

_His back shaking, Teddy crawled into Andromeda's arms, curling his own arms around her neck and burying his head in her shoulder. Andromeda rested her cheek against Teddy's head, rocking him gently as he cried._

_Remus tried to find his voice again, but he couldn't. He stood in the center of Teddy's bedroom, but as far as the others were concerned, he wasn't there at all._

"DAD!"

Remus awoke with a start, sitting up straight on the couch in the drawing room. His book fell from his lap, thudding to the floor and making him jump again.

"DAD!"

"Teddy!" Remus called, his eyes following the sound towards the stairs. His dream still fresh in his mind, Remus once again stood on wobbly legs, stepping over his book on the floor, and running for the steps.

"_DAD_!"

"Teddy!" Remus yelled, taking the steps two at a time.

When he finally reached the upstairs landing, Remus's eyes darted to the end of the hall. Teddy was standing in the doorway to Remus's bedroom, shaking visibly and swiping at the tears running down his face.

"Teddy," Remus asked, approaching him, "what's wrong?"

"I…" Teddy began, but he stopped, gasping for air. "I…you weren't in your room and…I didn't know where you were." A sob escaped him.

"I'm right here," Remus said, vaguely aware that he had said the same thing in his dream. He ran to Teddy, dropping down onto his knees and pulling his son into his arms. "I'm right here," Remus repeated, running his hand over Teddy's back. "It's all right."

When Teddy's cries finally slowed, Remus pulled away, using his thumbs to wipe at the damp trails on Teddy's cheeks. "Please tell me what's wrong," Remus pleaded. "You've been having so many nightmares lately…"

"I lied," Teddy interrupted.

"About what?"

"'Bout what I was dreaming about," Teddy admitted.

"They're not about Mum?"

"No," Teddy said, "they are, but…they're about you, too."

Remus opened his mouth, but then closed it again. "What about me?" he finally asked, even though he had the sneaking suspicion he might already know.

"You…and Mum," Teddy whispered, "dying in the final battle. And then I'm living with Gran."

"I didn't die," Remus replied. "I'm right here." The irony that Remus had just been wondering if Andromeda would have been a better guardian for Teddy wasn't lost on him.

"I know," Teddy said around another sob, "but it scares me."

Remus suddenly rose to his feet, settling his hands on Teddy's shoulders. "Let's go sit down," Remus said, guiding Teddy into his bedroom. Teddy climbed onto his father's bed and Remus sat down beside him, reaching out for one of Teddy's hands.

"Why didn't you want to tell me what you were really dreaming about?" Remus asked.

Teddy shrugged. "I don't know. Cause it's stupid to dream about you being dead when I know you're not."

"Teddy," Remus said firmly, "there is nothing stupid about dreams! No matter what they're about. Even I have dreams sometimes about things that aren't real. Everyone does."

"Everyone?" Teddy asked doubtfully.

"Yes," Remus insisted. He paused, considering his next words carefully. "I never want you to be afraid to tell me something. Even if you think it's stupid, you can _always_ tell me, okay?"

Teddy hesitated, but then finally nodded his head.

"Do you want to tell me about all the questions you keep asking?" Remus said. "All those ones about if I still love your mum or if I'll ever forget her."

Teddy was quiet for a while, fidgeting in his place and occupying himself with smoothing out the blanket around him. Finally, he asked, "Dad? If something ever happened to you, would I forget about you or stop loving you?"

Remus had to stop himself from reassuring Teddy that nothing would ever happen to him; they both knew it was a possibility, just like it had been with Dora. "What?" he asked instead, confusion ebbing at his voice.

"'Cause I don't remember Mum," Teddy said. "Is it because she died? And if you died, I'd forget you, too?"

"Teddy," Remus gasped, "no! You don't remember Mum because she died when you were just a baby. I wish you could remember her, but you were just too little. That's all." He bit at his lower lip and continued, "If something did happen to me, you'd be able to remember me, because you're a big boy now."

Teddy blinked back the tears in his eyes. "And I'd still remember stuff? Like having pancakes with you on Saturdays and all the bedtime stories you tell me?"

"Yes," Remus said certainly, "and I know, because I can still remember things that I did with my own father when I was your age."

Teddy sniffed. "Really?"

"Mhmm."

"And I'll be able to love you forever?" Teddy asked. "And Mum, too?"

"Absolutely," Remus said. "Remember what I told you last night?"

"You mean about love never going away?"

"Yes," Remus replied. "I don't think that emotions that strong can ever go away."

"Ever?"

"_Ever_," Remus repeated, "because I told you - I still love your mum and I'll love her forever and a day."

"Does she still love you, do you think?"

"I know she does," Remus said, feeling tears prickling at his own eyes. "Because I can feel it here." Still grasping Teddy's hand in his, Remus brought it up to his chest, placing it over his heart.

Teddy rubbed at his eyes with is other hand, but he smiled. "I think you were right," he said. "It does help to talk about it."

"I told you," Remus said, leaning forward and placing a kiss on his son's nose.

Teddy suddenly crawled up onto his knees, wrapping his arms tightly around Remus's neck. Remus hugged him tightly before Teddy climbed down off the bed.

"Do you want to sleep in here again tonight?" Remus asked.

Teddy shook his head. "I'll be okay, because no matter what happens, I'll love you forever and a day." He smiled again. "G'night, Dad."

"Goodnight," Remus whispered.

Remus laid in bed for a long time after that, expecting Teddy to reappear in his bedroom, but he didn't. And finally, part of Remus understood that what Harry had said that morning was true - perhaps he was exactly what Teddy needed right now.

The house was quiet, answering Remus's unspoken question.

_The end_


End file.
